i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
