Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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