What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
