Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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