i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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