someone threw a dead crab at me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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