Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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