i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
