I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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