She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
