so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
