In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
