i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
