I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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