my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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