theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
