I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am naked and annoyed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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