My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
