Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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