Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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