I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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