YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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