Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
