after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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