Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
