My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
