We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
