Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
