i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
did you just send me my own nude
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
