pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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