My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
