i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
