If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
