I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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