did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
