No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
