420 ftw
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just had sex on a roof
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
