You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
