Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
as a side note pls kill me
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
