can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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