The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
