So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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