I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
