How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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