I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
