I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
