1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I want a musical about memes.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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