Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
