Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
