I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
